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Welcome to this guide on mastering conflict resolution for DevOps professionals. I’m Michael Forrester, and here we’ll apply the FBI’s Behavioral Change Stairway Model—popularized by Chris Voss—to a DevOps context. Whether you’re managing deployments or collaborating on infrastructure-as-code, these non-technical skills will help you transform tension into productive outcomes.

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The Five-Step Framework

Below is an overview of the Behavioral Change Stairway Model adapted for DevOps:
StepPurpose
Active ListeningCapture both verbal and non-verbal cues to understand concerns
EmpathyAcknowledge emotions to build psychological safety
RapportEstablish trust for ongoing collaboration
InfluenceGuide stakeholders toward mutual goals
Behavioral ChangeAchieve sustainable agreement and follow-through
The image illustrates a "Behavioural Change Stairway Model" for navigating conflict, with steps including Active Listening, Empathy, Rapport, Influence, and Behavioural Change, alongside a DevOps symbol. There's also a person in the bottom right corner.

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1. Active Listening

Active listening is the bedrock of conflict navigation. In a system outage or deadline dispute, pay attention to:
  • Tone & Emotion: Are they frustrated, anxious, or neutral?
  • Body Language: Posture, eye contact, and micro-expressions.
  • Verbal Cues: Repetitions, hesitations, or abrupt topic changes.
Key techniques:
  1. Mirroring
    Repeat the last few words.
    Example:
    Speaker: “We lost production metrics last night.”
    You: “Production metrics?”
  2. Paraphrasing
    Restate in your own language.
    “So you’re saying the monitoring alerts didn’t fire?”
  3. Emotional Labeling
    Name the feeling you observe.
    “It sounds like that was really stressful.”
  4. Effective Pauses
    Use silence to prompt elaboration.
Combine these techniques with genuine curiosity to foster psychological safety in your team.
The image is a presentation slide about "Active Listening" as the foundation of conflict resolution, featuring a behavioral change stairway model. There's also a small video overlay of a person speaking in the bottom right corner.

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2. Four Techniques for Active Listening

TechniqueDescription
MirroringEcho the speaker’s last words to show attentiveness
ParaphrasingSummarize their point to confirm understanding
Emotional LabelingIdentify and verbalize emotions to demonstrate empathy
Effective PausesAllow space for deeper insights and reflection
Use these methods iteratively to draw out hidden concerns and clarify priorities in high-pressure situations.
The image outlines four techniques for active listening: Mirroring, Paraphrasing, Emotional Labeling, and Effective Pauses. Each technique is briefly described with a corresponding icon.

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3. Empathy and Rapport

Once you’ve listened, validate emotions and cultivate trust:
  • Label both your own and their feelings.
  • Choose the right setting: one-on-one for sensitive topics.
  • Model accountability by apologizing for any missteps.
Maintain rapport with regular check-ins:
  • Schedule a follow-up meeting.
  • Ask, “Does next Tuesday work for an update?”
This “social grease” prevents friction when priorities shift.
The image is a diagram titled "Empathy and Rapport in Conflict Resolution," illustrating steps like empathy in understanding, building rapport, maintaining relationships post-conflict, and drawing on existing relationships. There's also a small inset of a person speaking in the bottom right corner.

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4. Creating Genuine Agreements

In DevOps, missed SLAs and changing specs often cause disputes. Forge reliable commitments by:
  • Offering gestures of good faith (e.g., daily status updates).
  • Distinguishing between different “yes” types:
    Type of YesMeaning
    Confirmation yes“Has this been decided?”
    Commitment yes“I will get this done by EOD.”
    Counterfeit yesPretending to agree without intent
If uncertain, use a realistic timeline:
“Let me verify the details and get back to you by 3 PM tomorrow.”
Avoid counterfeit yeses—they erode trust and lead to scope creep.
The image is a diagram illustrating key elements of creating agreements to solve problems, including offering gestures of good faith, genuine problem-solving, avoiding counterfeit agreements, and striving for genuine agreement. There is also a person in the bottom right corner.

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5. Behavioral Change & Follow-Through

True resolution comes from consistent follow-through:
  • Document agreements in a shared channel (e.g., Jira ticket, Confluence page).
  • Set clear milestones and review dates.
  • Celebrate wins to reinforce positive collaboration.
The image is a summary slide titled "Navigating Conflict: A Primer – Summary," featuring key points about conflict resolution techniques, including the Behavioral Change Stairway Model, the Support Network, and the Conflict Resolution Toolkit. There is also a small image of a person in the bottom right corner.

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Further Reading & Resources

By integrating these five steps—Active Listening, Empathy, Rapport, Influence, and Behavioral Change—you’ll turn conflict into collaboration and drive continuous improvement across your DevOps teams.

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